May tenth is always a special day in our house. It is the birthday of our now thirteen year old. It also usually falls around mother's day." A" was born on mother's day so many short yeas ago. May tenth just always seems to be a bit of a bigger celebration for us. Not because any of our other girls are less special. Simply because thirteen years ago I gave birth to my first child, becoming a mother for the first time, on a mother's day, and all at the age of seventeen.
May tenth this year was to be a simple celebration, it fell on a Tuesday. We would go on a afternoon trip into the city, do some shopping and have a nice meal. We had planned a huge celebration party at the end of the month for her and her friends!
That morning i woke up, got both big girls up and off to school and took the laundry to the basement. I dumped them on the floor in front of my new washer, and threw a load in. Then i continued on getting ready for our birthday trip.
I must make a side note here about our basement. We live down there! Seriously, eighty-five percent of our time is spent down there. Our toy room is down there, our family room is down there, laundry room, spare bedroom, a bathroom, all our crafts, but most important of all - our birthday girls bedroom is down there.
It is often a terrible mess with toys, video games, and dress up clothes as far as the eye can see! We also have all our treasured memories down there. Our basement has become the center of life for us.
It rained all morning and was supposed to rain all day, and even into the night. But we were not going to let rain stop us from celebrating our teenager! So we packed up and were on our way.
It rained the entire two hour drive. But we still managed to go shopping, get her saxophone fixed, and out for a nice meal. And it continued to rain. It didn't pour in the city, just a constant shower.
At nine pm we crammed back into the mini van and headed out on the road back home. The three girls started nodding off, in between the good songs that is!
We hit our half way point and my cell phone rang. Turning down the music, which woke the girls, I answered. It was our neighbor who had been back and forth to our house all week using our washroom. She had been renovating hers all week. I thought maybe I had forgot to leave the door unlocked for them and she was calling to see about a key.
Instead she informed me that our town was flooding! We had declared a state of emergency, and that included our basement, it also was flooding! These words were very foreign in my ears. How could that be? We had only been gone a half day!! For some reason my mind couldn't adjust a crisis like this to the time slot it had been givem. Thanking her for calling I hung up thinking: "um ya right!
Jarrett and I chewed this info over for a bit. I mean what could we really do? We were still driving with an hour left to go! We became very aware that it was STILL raining! Our back yard had flooded last spring and this, not once had we gotten water in the basement. So how, in one half day, could we flood?
Both big girls awake, listening, and now crying as fear set in that all they held dear would be afloat upon our return.
It took a bit of convincing, and a lengthy family prayer, but they did calm down and get back to sleep.
We pulled into the driveway, Jarrett went into the house by himself first. To get a handle on the situation and to prepare us for the worst. Returning to the van he informed me that we did in fact have water in the basement!
Water, water is easily cleaned up. We will pump it out and dry it up! Everything down there can be washed and cleaned and fixed!
Opening the front door and stepping inside the house we were hit with a smell. SEWAGE! Sewage is a whole new ball game. Our hearts sank to the bottom where all our treasured possessions, memories, and life lived.
Our thirteen year old bust out into tears, sobbing about losing her room on her birthday and how terrible this was!
We had become washed away!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
life is full of stuff
These last two weeks I've been contemplating the idea that life is full of stuff. Not just my life, but my girls as well. And not stuff as in material things, but in activities too. So I wonder how much is enough and when is it too much? How do we even tell as parents? Because I feel like there is just as much pressure on parents to get your kids into "stuff" as there is for kids to be in "stuff" with friends.
As I watched my five year old, Emma, this week I started to question who I was fulfilling by making her take dance?! Who is benefiting from this? Which I found to be a two way street for the most part. She loves dance, well loved, I should say. We originally put her in dance to get her involved with girls her own age. Having an older sister can be awesome, but there are challenges too. Like never playing with kids your own age, and consequently finding them "gross"! This worked great for me, I love to dance. I took Ukrainian dancing for a few years.
So over the last three years, Emma, has over come her "issues" with kids her age. Just in the nick of time too. She started kindergarten this year. And if not for dance she would have really struggled with school instead of being able to embrace it the way she has. That's a benefit to her right?
But how about this year, how about right now? Well she wanted to quit. Jarrett is a big "NO" on this. He doesn't want to raise quitters, he doesn't think she really wants to quit. He thinks she'll regret it, she'll just want to go back next year. All valid points. But who even cares?! She is five! Five! Does she even know who she is, or what she likes or dislikes? Who's to say that she won't want to do gymnastics next year, or soccer.
I started thinking about how big this year was for her. Going to "big girl" school, becoming a big sister. It's all a lot for anyone, especially Emma. As she loves to be at home with me doing whatever it is I am doing. But she is also a mini mom. She is always mothering her older sister and her dad. So becoming a big sister was/is quite stressful on her. Her days are longer now. School is every second day for the entire day. Then on Wednesdays, dance from five pm to five-forty pm. By the time we got into the van she was on melt down mode. Something needed to change.
As much as I wanted her to quit dance for her sake this year, I really wanted her to keep on keepin on. I wanted to buy the costume, to get her all dolled up, to cry as i watched her on stage. But it was not best for her. And it should not have taken me so long to get it, she had been begging me to quit since dance started this year!
That's when I realized that I was filling my life with "stuff" and filling hers to. I was no longer keeping her in dance so she could benefit from it. Because she wasn't, she was exhausted and always on the edge of melt down! I was keeping her in it so it would reflect well on me.
As I think about it now I see that a lot of the time we as parents enroll or keep our children in things so that others will think good things about us. "well they are awesome parents, their kids get good grades, are well mannered, they are in dance and sports." But so what? Honestly, so what? SO, what if they are? Are they happy? Are they well rested and secure in where they are in their lives? Because if not, then I really don't have it together! And instead of making sure my children are getting what they need from me I am seeking to fill my self from the opinions of my peers. I consider that an epic fail!
Needless to say, Emma has quit dance. And when she asks me "mom what do I have today?" and I reply "nothing"; the look of relief on her face gives me the satisfaction that I was right and I am filling her life up with life and not "stuff."
Where are you on this? Are there things you need to check? Because just like houses our lives also need a little spring cleaning. And maybe it's time to get rid of the stuff cluttering our homes, but maybe we all need to get rid of the "stuff" we filled our lives with so we can fill it with life.
So maybe next year Emma will return to dance. Maybe she'll try something else. Or maybe she'll still need to be my kid that goes to school, comes home, and hangs out with friends. That's not failure by my standard, maybe the worlds, not mine. Maybe we need to listen to what's being said between the lines and do what's right for our children. Not let the world decide for us.
As I watched my five year old, Emma, this week I started to question who I was fulfilling by making her take dance?! Who is benefiting from this? Which I found to be a two way street for the most part. She loves dance, well loved, I should say. We originally put her in dance to get her involved with girls her own age. Having an older sister can be awesome, but there are challenges too. Like never playing with kids your own age, and consequently finding them "gross"! This worked great for me, I love to dance. I took Ukrainian dancing for a few years.
So over the last three years, Emma, has over come her "issues" with kids her age. Just in the nick of time too. She started kindergarten this year. And if not for dance she would have really struggled with school instead of being able to embrace it the way she has. That's a benefit to her right?
But how about this year, how about right now? Well she wanted to quit. Jarrett is a big "NO" on this. He doesn't want to raise quitters, he doesn't think she really wants to quit. He thinks she'll regret it, she'll just want to go back next year. All valid points. But who even cares?! She is five! Five! Does she even know who she is, or what she likes or dislikes? Who's to say that she won't want to do gymnastics next year, or soccer.
I started thinking about how big this year was for her. Going to "big girl" school, becoming a big sister. It's all a lot for anyone, especially Emma. As she loves to be at home with me doing whatever it is I am doing. But she is also a mini mom. She is always mothering her older sister and her dad. So becoming a big sister was/is quite stressful on her. Her days are longer now. School is every second day for the entire day. Then on Wednesdays, dance from five pm to five-forty pm. By the time we got into the van she was on melt down mode. Something needed to change.
As much as I wanted her to quit dance for her sake this year, I really wanted her to keep on keepin on. I wanted to buy the costume, to get her all dolled up, to cry as i watched her on stage. But it was not best for her. And it should not have taken me so long to get it, she had been begging me to quit since dance started this year!
That's when I realized that I was filling my life with "stuff" and filling hers to. I was no longer keeping her in dance so she could benefit from it. Because she wasn't, she was exhausted and always on the edge of melt down! I was keeping her in it so it would reflect well on me.
As I think about it now I see that a lot of the time we as parents enroll or keep our children in things so that others will think good things about us. "well they are awesome parents, their kids get good grades, are well mannered, they are in dance and sports." But so what? Honestly, so what? SO, what if they are? Are they happy? Are they well rested and secure in where they are in their lives? Because if not, then I really don't have it together! And instead of making sure my children are getting what they need from me I am seeking to fill my self from the opinions of my peers. I consider that an epic fail!
Needless to say, Emma has quit dance. And when she asks me "mom what do I have today?" and I reply "nothing"; the look of relief on her face gives me the satisfaction that I was right and I am filling her life up with life and not "stuff."
Where are you on this? Are there things you need to check? Because just like houses our lives also need a little spring cleaning. And maybe it's time to get rid of the stuff cluttering our homes, but maybe we all need to get rid of the "stuff" we filled our lives with so we can fill it with life.
So maybe next year Emma will return to dance. Maybe she'll try something else. Or maybe she'll still need to be my kid that goes to school, comes home, and hangs out with friends. That's not failure by my standard, maybe the worlds, not mine. Maybe we need to listen to what's being said between the lines and do what's right for our children. Not let the world decide for us.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
girls night
So Sophie is now two months. And although I thought that the excitement and wonder would have worn off by now, it sure has not! Both Aidin and Emma are still as in love with her, if not more, than the first day! I do notice that they have reacted differently. They should, they are different themselves. Aidin is very sisterly as she has been through this before. This time though she is much more loving and caring. I think it may be because she is older, she is growing into a young woman herself. And as we grow we become less absorbed with ourselves and our own little world. (Or so we hope!) Emma on the other hand, is a mother ... like to the letter! She has even said to me "if I could nurse for you I would!" She is loving, attentive, and all doing! But she is only five, and I fear that she is losing her identity in mothering her sister.
As these weeks have flown past me, I have taken the time to watch them. Listen to what they are telling me in between the lines, and when they are not even talking out loud! And last night as I prayed for each of them I realized they need my relationship with each one to do one of two things. Either remain the same or change for the better. Which is kinda like "duh!" But it really isn't that simple. Emma is our baby. She had been for the last five years. The apple of our eyes. And now we've taken that from her and passed it on to Sophie. Whether deliberate or not, that's what we've done. As I watch her over these last weeks i realize that some of the mothering and worrying is because she has become unsure of her place in this family. That breaks my heart! But it's not too late!
Aidin is Aidin, she can take a lot when handed to her. She is the strongest young woman you will meet! However we have entered womanhood with her. And this is a crucial time in her life, especially hers. As she hasn't always had a stable father figure. So now that we are here, in a stable loving family; it is very important to make sure she is understood. That she feels safe and secure , and that we maintain an open dialogue about her life.
So as I prayed a thought came to my mind. A girls night. Who hasn't had a girls night right? Both Aidin and Emma are used to time alone with me. Sophie has needed almost all my time lately. So I've decided to make sure once a month I have each girl for some alone time. Which seems easy and not at all like a revelation. But as I prayed i got the idea of a book to give both of them, which I need to make this month! I guess it will be a binder of sorts. It will contain a calendar of each month with our special girls night highlighted. Each binder will contain pages after each month so we can record what we did and anything that comes to our hearts or minds. Hoping to get a little devotional time in there too. But I want to also include a page where we can add pictures of us together at each girls night. Which I think is so very important. I won't be here forever, and as they grow old themselves i think it would be such an amazing gift to be able to not only read about those times but look back on them as well. To see what we looked like and how we've changed.
Now what we do on that girls night will not be up to me at all. I will let each girl know a week in advance so they can pick what time of day, what activity/ies, where, all the details. This way they know the day/night is to be spent on them. Doing what they like, all the attention on them.
I know that this is exactly what Emma needs. I feel like I am giving Aidin two gifts in one though. I feel like she does need this right now in her journey of teenage years. But I also feel like it'll give back to her younger years too. I never did anything like this for her when Emma was born. And I believe we can that back!
I'm quite excited about it!!! Keep you updated.
As these weeks have flown past me, I have taken the time to watch them. Listen to what they are telling me in between the lines, and when they are not even talking out loud! And last night as I prayed for each of them I realized they need my relationship with each one to do one of two things. Either remain the same or change for the better. Which is kinda like "duh!" But it really isn't that simple. Emma is our baby. She had been for the last five years. The apple of our eyes. And now we've taken that from her and passed it on to Sophie. Whether deliberate or not, that's what we've done. As I watch her over these last weeks i realize that some of the mothering and worrying is because she has become unsure of her place in this family. That breaks my heart! But it's not too late!
Aidin is Aidin, she can take a lot when handed to her. She is the strongest young woman you will meet! However we have entered womanhood with her. And this is a crucial time in her life, especially hers. As she hasn't always had a stable father figure. So now that we are here, in a stable loving family; it is very important to make sure she is understood. That she feels safe and secure , and that we maintain an open dialogue about her life.
So as I prayed a thought came to my mind. A girls night. Who hasn't had a girls night right? Both Aidin and Emma are used to time alone with me. Sophie has needed almost all my time lately. So I've decided to make sure once a month I have each girl for some alone time. Which seems easy and not at all like a revelation. But as I prayed i got the idea of a book to give both of them, which I need to make this month! I guess it will be a binder of sorts. It will contain a calendar of each month with our special girls night highlighted. Each binder will contain pages after each month so we can record what we did and anything that comes to our hearts or minds. Hoping to get a little devotional time in there too. But I want to also include a page where we can add pictures of us together at each girls night. Which I think is so very important. I won't be here forever, and as they grow old themselves i think it would be such an amazing gift to be able to not only read about those times but look back on them as well. To see what we looked like and how we've changed.
Now what we do on that girls night will not be up to me at all. I will let each girl know a week in advance so they can pick what time of day, what activity/ies, where, all the details. This way they know the day/night is to be spent on them. Doing what they like, all the attention on them.
I know that this is exactly what Emma needs. I feel like I am giving Aidin two gifts in one though. I feel like she does need this right now in her journey of teenage years. But I also feel like it'll give back to her younger years too. I never did anything like this for her when Emma was born. And I believe we can that back!
I'm quite excited about it!!! Keep you updated.
Monday, January 10, 2011
How did we get here?!
This week has been a huge one. Not for any huge event, not a lot going on ... other than we have entered womanhood. And I find myself taken back. Almost holding my breath. Not because my daughter is growing up, not because she is becoming a young woman. But because I fear I have not taken quiet moments to embed in my memory the journey that took us here.
I had Aidin when I was seventeen. Far from being grown up myself. Thinking back on our twelve years together, I realize that I have no idea how we got here. How we survived life, survived each other, grown up together? I can recall exactly how we physically got here. Yet I can not comprehend how I at thirty have a daughter who is now entering womanhood?
At thirty I feel like I am finally in a place where I am beginning to understand who I am, a place where I am coming into my own! So as I start that journey for myself I get to also "tag" along on her journey. Because, although I would never change a moment of my life; having a child and still being one myself has prolonged my journey for self discovery.
It's quite an exciting time in her life, and mine. The ups and downs we'll share. The dreams that let her soar and the heart breaks that leave her crying the night away! I'm not too sure what other mothers are like. (I consider myself in a different class because I was so young when I took on this adult only role.) But I don't spend my time dreaming and desiring what, how, and who my daughters will be/become. I love the journey of development instead. Which I can give my parents the credit for. They never forced on me their expectations of what I should be, how or who I should be. They encouraged me to become me. The best me I could be. And maybe that's why I have no idea how Aidin and I ended up here. Maybe because I wasn't working her along to a certain something. There was no forcing, no guilting, no enticing. Only the journey of becoming.
I sit back in amazement of where we are, in life as a whole, but also individually. I watch my tom boy try out different make-up techniques. Watch as she tries to cling onto everything tough and strong as she dabbles in things that are "girly"! I look forward to these years. We'll have moments I'm sure. But she starts now to become a young woman and I get to be there with and for her through it all.
I am reminded of a few things my mother always said to me. (And my mom and I did not have such a close relationship in my teen years.) She would say " raising daughters is hard. They hate you a lot of the time. And sometimes it feels like you're losing them. And you don't always get that friend relationship as they grow. They need a mom more than a friend anyway. But when they do grow up and are adults you get a best friend and that's the best gift of all."
So I'm sure we'll have days and maybe even weeks when Aidin hates me. But this journey of womanhood is the stepping stones that get us the gift we were destined to have!
I had Aidin when I was seventeen. Far from being grown up myself. Thinking back on our twelve years together, I realize that I have no idea how we got here. How we survived life, survived each other, grown up together? I can recall exactly how we physically got here. Yet I can not comprehend how I at thirty have a daughter who is now entering womanhood?
At thirty I feel like I am finally in a place where I am beginning to understand who I am, a place where I am coming into my own! So as I start that journey for myself I get to also "tag" along on her journey. Because, although I would never change a moment of my life; having a child and still being one myself has prolonged my journey for self discovery.
It's quite an exciting time in her life, and mine. The ups and downs we'll share. The dreams that let her soar and the heart breaks that leave her crying the night away! I'm not too sure what other mothers are like. (I consider myself in a different class because I was so young when I took on this adult only role.) But I don't spend my time dreaming and desiring what, how, and who my daughters will be/become. I love the journey of development instead. Which I can give my parents the credit for. They never forced on me their expectations of what I should be, how or who I should be. They encouraged me to become me. The best me I could be. And maybe that's why I have no idea how Aidin and I ended up here. Maybe because I wasn't working her along to a certain something. There was no forcing, no guilting, no enticing. Only the journey of becoming.
I sit back in amazement of where we are, in life as a whole, but also individually. I watch my tom boy try out different make-up techniques. Watch as she tries to cling onto everything tough and strong as she dabbles in things that are "girly"! I look forward to these years. We'll have moments I'm sure. But she starts now to become a young woman and I get to be there with and for her through it all.
I am reminded of a few things my mother always said to me. (And my mom and I did not have such a close relationship in my teen years.) She would say " raising daughters is hard. They hate you a lot of the time. And sometimes it feels like you're losing them. And you don't always get that friend relationship as they grow. They need a mom more than a friend anyway. But when they do grow up and are adults you get a best friend and that's the best gift of all."
So I'm sure we'll have days and maybe even weeks when Aidin hates me. But this journey of womanhood is the stepping stones that get us the gift we were destined to have!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
good things come in .... three?!
It is 8:04 am on January 4th of 2011. I am blogging while listening to our two month old wake up. The older girls are still sleeping, trying to cling to every second that's left of Christmas vacation. The house is quiet (except the occasional gurgle from Sophie), the tree still up and lit bringing a silent peace to the house. And I am realizing I am way behind on blogging!
So let's start this year off on the right foot, and actually do this blog thing. I quite enjoy it.
I've heard the saying "bad things come in three." Yet I've never heard anyone say "good things come in three." Well my husband, Jarrett, and I have three girls. And I'm sure we will have our share of "bad" moments. But I am just as sure that all the "good" moments will shine brighter than the others.
Here's a bit of history on us, just to kind of let you in on the journey to here so we can continue on our way. I am a mother of three girls. I had Aidin, who is twelve, when I was seventeen. Her father was killed in Afghanistan in 2006. In 2004 I met Jarrett the love of my life. We became pregnant and married in 2005. We gave birth to Emma one month later. We moved away from both sets of our parents for Jarrett to go to school. And eventually he got a job here in Estevan.
Life here has been great. Other than we desperately miss our families. We found a great church, bought a house .... have a life! And just gave birth to our third daughter, Sophie, in October!
I must admit finding out we were having another girl was an intense roller coaster ride for me. And not at all for Jarrett! I, being a girl know how hard it's going to be. Jarrett loves being a father to girls. Not that I don't, but I do know my capability for mood swings; and now we're multiplying that by three!
Three girls means, three times we'll go through puberty. Puberty with girls just seems so much more intense. Three times we'll have to catch our hearts from dropping into our stomachs and save them from being eaten by the acid there, while we watch the girls go on their first dates! Gross .. do you know what boys think about! Three times Jarrett will walk down the isle to hand over the girl he worked so hard at raising, loving and protecting to some guy he'll will have to trust even if he doesn't want to!
Jarrett, of course sees it completely opposite from my view. He sees that they can be strong and that it will be a challenge to raise them to think for themselves. To watch them believe in themselves, to stand up for what they believe and become all that they can be.I believe all these things as well.
Our girls range in age is going to be interesting for sure. We actually will always have one in each stage of life! And that to me is exciting!
And that's our journey. Raising these amazing gifts from God, learning who they are. Helping them develop who they are, and doing it all at the same time in different stages. Best adventure ever!
Here we go!
So let's start this year off on the right foot, and actually do this blog thing. I quite enjoy it.
I've heard the saying "bad things come in three." Yet I've never heard anyone say "good things come in three." Well my husband, Jarrett, and I have three girls. And I'm sure we will have our share of "bad" moments. But I am just as sure that all the "good" moments will shine brighter than the others.
Here's a bit of history on us, just to kind of let you in on the journey to here so we can continue on our way. I am a mother of three girls. I had Aidin, who is twelve, when I was seventeen. Her father was killed in Afghanistan in 2006. In 2004 I met Jarrett the love of my life. We became pregnant and married in 2005. We gave birth to Emma one month later. We moved away from both sets of our parents for Jarrett to go to school. And eventually he got a job here in Estevan.
Life here has been great. Other than we desperately miss our families. We found a great church, bought a house .... have a life! And just gave birth to our third daughter, Sophie, in October!
I must admit finding out we were having another girl was an intense roller coaster ride for me. And not at all for Jarrett! I, being a girl know how hard it's going to be. Jarrett loves being a father to girls. Not that I don't, but I do know my capability for mood swings; and now we're multiplying that by three!
Three girls means, three times we'll go through puberty. Puberty with girls just seems so much more intense. Three times we'll have to catch our hearts from dropping into our stomachs and save them from being eaten by the acid there, while we watch the girls go on their first dates! Gross .. do you know what boys think about! Three times Jarrett will walk down the isle to hand over the girl he worked so hard at raising, loving and protecting to some guy he'll will have to trust even if he doesn't want to!
Jarrett, of course sees it completely opposite from my view. He sees that they can be strong and that it will be a challenge to raise them to think for themselves. To watch them believe in themselves, to stand up for what they believe and become all that they can be.I believe all these things as well.
Our girls range in age is going to be interesting for sure. We actually will always have one in each stage of life! And that to me is exciting!
And that's our journey. Raising these amazing gifts from God, learning who they are. Helping them develop who they are, and doing it all at the same time in different stages. Best adventure ever!
Here we go!
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