life is full of stuff

These last two weeks I've been contemplating the idea that life is full of stuff. Not just my life, but my girls as well. And not stuff as in material things, but in activities too. So I wonder how much is enough and when is it too much? How do we even tell as parents? Because I feel like there is just as much pressure on parents to get your kids into "stuff" as there is for kids to be in "stuff" with friends.

As I watched my five year old, Emma, this week I started to question who I was fulfilling by making her take dance?! Who is benefiting from this? Which I found to be a two way street for the most part. She loves dance, well loved, I should say. We originally put her in dance to get her involved with girls her own age. Having an older sister can be awesome, but there are challenges too. Like never playing with kids your own age, and consequently finding them "gross"! This worked great for me, I love to dance. I took Ukrainian dancing for a few years.

So over the last three years, Emma, has over come her "issues" with kids her age. Just in the nick of time too. She started kindergarten this year. And if not for dance she would have really struggled with school instead of being able to embrace it the way she has. That's a benefit to her right?

But how about this year, how about right now? Well she wanted to quit. Jarrett is a big "NO" on this. He doesn't want to raise quitters, he doesn't think she really wants to quit. He thinks she'll regret it, she'll just want to go back next year. All valid points. But who even cares?! She is five! Five! Does she even know who she is, or what she likes or dislikes? Who's to say that she won't want to do gymnastics next year, or soccer.

I started thinking about how big this year was for her. Going to "big girl" school, becoming a big sister. It's all a lot for anyone, especially Emma. As she loves to be at home with me doing whatever it is I am doing. But she is also a mini mom. She is always mothering her older sister and her dad. So becoming a big sister was/is quite stressful on her. Her days are longer now. School is every second day for the entire day. Then on Wednesdays, dance from five pm to five-forty pm. By the time we got into the van she was on melt down mode. Something needed to change.

As much as I wanted her to quit dance for her sake this year, I really wanted her to keep on keepin on. I wanted to buy the costume, to get her all dolled up, to cry as i watched her on stage. But it was not best for her. And it should not have taken me so long to get it, she had been begging me to quit since dance started this year!

That's when I realized that I was filling my life with "stuff" and filling hers to. I was no longer keeping her in dance so she could benefit from it. Because she wasn't, she was exhausted and always on the edge of melt down! I was keeping her in it so it would reflect well on me.

As I think about it now I see that a lot of the time we as parents enroll or keep our children in things so that others will think good things about us. "well they are awesome parents, their kids get good grades, are well mannered, they are in dance and sports." But so what? Honestly, so what? SO, what if they are? Are they happy? Are they well rested and secure in where they are in their lives? Because if not, then I really don't have it together! And instead of making sure my children are getting what they need from me I am seeking to fill my self from the opinions of my peers. I consider that an epic fail!

Needless to say, Emma has quit dance. And when she asks me "mom what do I have today?" and I reply "nothing"; the look of relief on her face gives me the satisfaction that I was right and I am filling her life up with life and not "stuff."

Where are you on this? Are there things you need to check? Because just like houses our lives also need a little spring cleaning. And maybe it's time to get rid of the stuff cluttering our homes, but maybe we all need to get rid of the "stuff" we filled our lives with so we can fill it with life.

So maybe next year Emma will return to dance. Maybe she'll try something else. Or maybe she'll still need to be my kid that goes to school, comes home, and hangs out with friends. That's not failure by my standard, maybe the worlds, not mine. Maybe we need to listen to what's being said between the lines and do what's right for our children. Not let the world decide for us.